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Ask Jane

Jane Vargas, Ph.D. in Human Sexuality, writes that "we don't choose our sexuality; it chooses us." With this openness in attitude toward the infinite variations of (consensual) sexual expression, we at URNotAlone invited this Sex Doc to dispense a bit of womanly advice in an open and lively dialogue with our members. Every couple of weeks, you'll see a new Q&A or provocative rumination on the passions and longings of our CD/TV/TS Community, along with Jane's response, informed by her knowledge, experience, and womanly wiles. To "Ask Jane," you can leave a comment on any of her Q&A's or Articles. You can also e-mail her at jane@jane.tv on any sexually related topic of interest and concern to Our Community with respect to Relationships, Secrets, Family, Social Dilemmas, Identity and Self-Concept, Tips on Makeup and Girly Behavior, and anything else related that interests you. (Please note that this forum is not a substitute for serious therapy but rather a place to receive an entertaining, informed response from a woman who celebrates all manner of creative sexuality.)

Jane Vargas Ph.D. in Human Sexuality, writes "Dear Jane: Advice for Boys Who Need It Bad," for Leg Show magazine. She's been featured on HBO Real Sex, interviewed in National Magazines, has presented research on Lingerie Fetishism to a Professional Society of Sexologists, and is owner of a Xtraordinary Talk!, a business that creates and sells video and audio Fantasy Material for Panty and Lingerie Lovers, Crossdressers, and all men who are perhaps "strong by day but who need a strong woman at night". Jane is married, has two daughters, and lives in San Francisco.

We're very Excited to have Jane partner with us with her "Ask Jane" Column! Don't be shy, leave comments or questions for Jane and don't forget to feel free to contact her via her eMail at jane@jane.tv and make sure to pay her a visit at her site, Xtraordinary Talk!

Ask Jane

Ask Jane, Column 20 (Jan 29, 2008)

Deciding Not To Cross-Dress

Hi Jane,

I desperately need your help. For over 20 years I have been a closet TV. In all that time I have not needed to share this. However, I suffer tremendous guilt. I just feel it's wrong. So last year I made the decision to stop dressing. I threw away all my clothes.

However, a couple of weeks ago I couldn't resist the urge to dress. But more worrying for me is that I cannot stop thinking about getting a guy to fuck me. I have even tried to make contact. So far nothing has happened. Even although I have ve... [more]

Ask Jane, Column 19 (Dec 10, 2007)

Awash in Dopamine

Dear Jane,

Do you believe that cross-dressing can be addictive? I can't stop. I've quit dozens of times but when I do I'm always thinking about it and inevitably go back to doing it. What makes it so hard to quit?

Cravings that Never Stop

Dear Cravings,

Does a compulsion to engage in an activity make that activity an addiction? According to most dictionaries, yes. As defined by the American Heritage Science Dictionary, an addiction is: "1) A physical or psychological need for a habit-forming subs... [more]

Ask Jane, Column 18 (Nov 5, 2007)

Craving T-Girls

Dear Jane,

It's so great to see an advice area. I recently joined urnotalone, and would love to get your advice. I am a part time cross dresser, married. She found out, and after some long talks, decided to stay together. She has accepted this side, but only wants me to dress outside of the house. So, I often just go to the local hotel and dress.

Before she knew, I would only dress in the house, but since she knows, I feel very much free, and have gone to t-girl friendly places, and out in public. It's so refreshing and fills m... [more]

Ask Jane, Column 17 (Oct 3, 2007)

Regrets
Dear Jane,

I'm a glaring example of why it may be better not to tell your wife. Two weeks ago I went to another city to be with my friends from URNA for their monthly gathering. Sunday afternoon when I got home I thought my excuse was going to fall apart so rather than wait for the explosion I told my wife where I had been.

It crushed her world.

My wife grew up in a very conventional (sheltered?) world in which she's experienced a great deal of loss. Her dad died when she was in high school; her brother a few years later; her ... [more]

Ask Jane, Column 16 (Jul 20, 2007)

I thank all of you who were so kind to respond to my query about crossdressers' wives' fears. I am still in the midst of research on this topic, so don't hesitate to contact me if you have something to add. In the meantime, here's a new column:

Her 4-Year-Old Son Prefers Dresses
more]

Ask Jane, A Request from Jane (Jul 15, 2007)

A Notice to All CDs: Would You Help Me, Please?

Greetings and happy summer! I write you from beautiful Barbados ... a long way from this Colorado girl's roots.

I would like to ask a favor of you.

Would you be willing to share your experiences with me... [more]

Ask Jane, Column 15 (Jul 1, 2007)

Can Hypnosis Help?

Hi Jane,

First, I want to say that I am one of your most dearest fans, and love how you support the crossdressing community.

I just read a letter to you from a crossdresser who inquired about self-hypnosis to embody their femininity. I... [more]

Ask Jane, Column 14 (Jun 6, 2007)

He Wants to Suck Another CD's Penis

Hi Jane,

I've been a huge fan of yours for a long time and was even one of the participants in your "Lingerie Fetish Research" a few years ago; I truly enjoyed the experience of discussing the subject with you.

I have ... [more]

Ask Jane, Column 13 (Apr 9, 2007)

Ask Jane, Column 12 (Feb 24, 2007)

Ask Jane, Column 11 (Jan 29, 2007)

Ask Jane, Column 10 (Dec 30, 2006)

Ask Jane, Column 9 (Nov 19, 2006)

Ask Jane, Column 8 (Oct 27, 2006)

Ask Jane, Column 7 (Oct 2, 2006)

Ask Jane, Column 6 (Sep 18, 2006)

Ask Jane, Column 5 (Sep 1, 2006)

Ask Jane, Column 4 (Aug 27, 2006)

Ask Jane, Column 3 (Aug 15, 2006)

Ask Jane, Column 2 (Aug 10, 2006)

Ask Jane, Column 1 (Aug 5, 2006)

Welcome Jane! (Aug 3, 2005)